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6 years…

6 years to the day dad! 6 years since the last hot chocolate I ever enjoyed carefree… before my world came crashing down and my heart was irreversibly broken into a thousand tiny pieces.. I remember how I excited I was to come round that night dad… Christmas film night with maxine.. while you matty and dan watched some wrestling/football crap… then I remember stretching out in bed with dan and accidentally kicking you in the balls which of course me and Dan thought was hilarious, you went straight down 😂😂😂😂 I love that your last words to me were *next time there’s a spider don’t come shouting for me* and I’m forever grateful my last words to you were Love you dad… 6 years you’ve been gone.. we move on…not because we want to but because we have no choice… we just laugh a little quieter, things taste just a little bit more bitter, our sparkle isn’t as bright as it used to be, we cry a bit harder than we used to, hardly anything is the same it’s just not ever quite right anymore, but what never ever changes or waivers is the love for you dad. I love you just as fiercely as I did then and I always will. Ive really needed you these past 17 months just to grab me in a hug and call me spuddy and it absolutely broke my heart you weren’t there.. but dad if you hadn’t raised me to be as resilient as I am or to laugh as much as I do.. if you hadn’t raised my brother to be the man is he is and you didn’t have the best brother ever who has been there to crack out old photos out of you and give me the biggest hugs when I’ve being really struggling I wouldn’t still be here. I’m so proud to be your daughter I can only hope you are proud of me ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ miss and love you the whole fucking world and more xx


Published by DelilahSpuddy

Well when I first started this blog, I was just using it as an anonymous way to vent. I suffered a horrific year in 2018 starting with witnessing abuse in my work place and ending in an awful assault on me by a so called friend. Now as I start to recover I’m hoping to reach those who unfortunately may find themselves in my situation with nobody to turn to. I managed my PTSD symptoms a good 8 months before I was told I wasn’t going mad and actually there was a name for it. In those 8 months I came up with all sorts of weird and wonderful ways to ground and help myself. Some of the writing in my blog isn’t nice and contains some triggers so please be aware. It’s just what I need to do at the moment. But if you want to... feel free to have a look ❤️ welcome to the madhouse 😂

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