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New beginnings and finally some new dreams!!

This morning I had the strangest dreams, dreams about arguing with someone over chips, dreams about my friends, of course they weren’t doing anything normal in my dreams but they never do in real life 🤣 but it was so nice to have normal dreams well my kind of normal… maybe doing supermarket sweep whilst getting slapped in the face with a fish isn’t normal but it’s a trillion times better than seeing that bastards face in my dreams all night long. I had a few nightmares but nothing too bad. It makes me feel renewed when I have those rare nights.

I moved my cat up to my girlfriends this weekend and I noticed he’s not had the best time this past year either, he’s moved from a house where he lived for the whole 10 years of his life into a cramped flat with two other cats, he wasn’t happy and I don’t think he was very well. It suprised me because as soon as I let him out of the cat cage in his new home he swanned around like he owned the place, very unusual for him as he’s usually a very nervous cat.

Saturday night I laid on the bed with him and we made a pact… me and him, we are going to recover together 😌 as long as he stops taking liberties, like jumping on my head at stupid hours or wrapping girlfriend so far around his paws that she gets up and feeds him at stupid hours in the morning! Still things like that make me feel happy.. you know he’s just being a normal dickhead cat and I’ve missed that so much!

A few weeks ago I was so upset and stressed out I decided I never wanted a cat again, I adore animals, I love the sass and superiority complex of cats and I’ve always adored my cats, so to be falling back in love with him is uplifting.

Another thing that made me smile yesterday, I ran a sink to wash the pots in and couldn’t for a second fathom why the water was white, until I realised I had the milk in my hand, I had put milk in instead of washing up liquid 😂😂 I find myself asking where the old me is and things like that make me go “ah here she is”.

I know I’m far from the woman I was, but the thing to hold on to for today is, he tried to crush me into little pieces, he tried his hardest to silence me. He hasn’t, I know there’s a long road ahead of me but I know full well I’ll walk the whole length of it, I know they’ll be potholes and storms ahead but I also know that I’m storing up all of my fun times in my head.. they are in a tiny corner at the moment but that corner is getting bigger and next the bad times try to take over my mind they won’t have as much room.

Happy cat, happy me ❤️ we’ve got this crooks!

Published by DelilahSpuddy

Well when I first started this blog, I was just using it as an anonymous way to vent. I suffered a horrific year in 2018 starting with witnessing abuse in my work place and ending in an awful assault on me by a so called friend. Now as I start to recover I’m hoping to reach those who unfortunately may find themselves in my situation with nobody to turn to. I managed my PTSD symptoms a good 8 months before I was told I wasn’t going mad and actually there was a name for it. In those 8 months I came up with all sorts of weird and wonderful ways to ground and help myself. Some of the writing in my blog isn’t nice and contains some triggers so please be aware. It’s just what I need to do at the moment. But if you want to... feel free to have a look ❤️ welcome to the madhouse 😂

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