Victories of the past week!

Decided to start keeping a positivity diary! I feel I focus too much on the negative, plus now I’m on my own again in terms of help.. I need to start pulling myself through so…

This week I fought off my anxiety, attended my university interview and got offered a place the very same day. Victory 1.

I went to shops and managed to stay all the way until the end.. queueing, paying and everything.. usually I freak out half way round the shop and have to sit in the car. This time I managed the full lot, my PTSD started flaring up in the queue but I managed to power through. Victory 2.

I managed to be intimate without so much as a sniff of a freak out. Victory 3.

I summoned up all of my strength and told the MH team they weren’t helping and got myself discharged.. my PTSD has started flaring up but for the first time ever I’m managing to stay in control. I think my new meds have a part to play.. honestly it’s like a miracle in a blister pack! But also my strength is starting to shine through Victory 4.

For the last victory… my last relationship was very toxic and I hadn’t realised until I started my new one just how much I had being affected.. until it came to certain things like putting furniture together or cooking together, I used to go to pieces in the earlier days, as I was far too intimidated by the processes. Today we made Easter Egg Cheesecakes 🥰 no crying, shaking or flashbacks. Victory 5.

I’m now in bed feeling very sick from said cheesecakes but you know what? I’m bloody proud of myself. ❤️

Published by DelilahSpuddy

Well when I first started this blog, I was just using it as an anonymous way to vent. I suffered a horrific year in 2018 starting with witnessing abuse in my work place and ending in an awful assault on me by a so called friend. Now as I start to recover I’m hoping to reach those who unfortunately may find themselves in my situation with nobody to turn to. I managed my PTSD symptoms a good 8 months before I was told I wasn’t going mad and actually there was a name for it. In those 8 months I came up with all sorts of weird and wonderful ways to ground and help myself. Some of the writing in my blog isn’t nice and contains some triggers so please be aware. It’s just what I need to do at the moment. But if you want to... feel free to have a look ❤️ welcome to the madhouse 😂

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9 Comments

  1. Hey that’s great news about the uni offer! Which one was it? And the other victories too 😊
    I’ve got a bit lost as your posts are coming up in a funny order on my screen.
    Maybe (big maybe I know) MH services will be better in the area you’re moving to in May 🤞but chilling after chocolate is a pretty good place to be 😋 and really pleased you’re in a place where going forward without them feels like a good thing

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    1. Well… funny story actually, it was the one I was dead set against going to 😂 the course was really sold to me on the day, plus the added bonus of first year lectures with people from college. I’m really conflicted! My heart and head are having a huge battle at the minute! My stubbornness is like why on earth should you be chased out of your own town? But then my head is like don’t be an idiot, be kind to yourself and accept that you need to recover and this place isn’t the place for it. Still having that internal row, but at least I have that place as back up if nothing else. Sorry about my posts I took everything off and then uploaded some back on. I wanted to be able to see the difference in my writing. Plus I’m writing a heck of a lot recently it’s just pouring out! As for MH 🤬 they messed up my meds.. so I went to my GP who had no idea of anything that was going on.. so I flipped out with MH and got threatened with hospital 🤣🤦🏼‍♀️ I do not respond well to threats! So I quietly seethed through my visits. Biggest laugh though I asked and asked about an assessment for Cptsd and none of them had a clue.. then the last one said that wasn’t down to them. Fast forward a few days a letter gets sent to my GP with an actual diagnosis from 4th Feb 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️ yet none of them knew about it. Don’t know their arses from their elbows. They didn’t ever bother reading my notes and seemed to think it was appropriate to ask about the reason behind my issues and set me off constantly. My therapist told me to be direct and tell them to eff off (but obviously in a therapeutic way not in my eff off way.) 😂😂😂 so I did.

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  2. It’s happening though, I think you were the only one who had any doubts about your ability (👩‍🎓💪) but I hope it’s sinking in now… you are going to uni and you’re going to get your dream 💙
    Would the uni in the place you’re moving to be better just from the travelling side?
    Glad your therapist keeps coming through

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  3. The main thing pulling me to the one I have a place at is the opportunity to go abroad (New Zealand) in the final year. Something I’ve wanted for a while but sort of recognised I need to focus on recovering before moving across the other side of the world. But now it’s back on the table in the form of a placement 🙄 as for the other uni… I‘ll wait for my interview 2nd April and see what they offer, maybe they’ll have that option! I can’t commute from here to there 😂 I’ve tried with college I’m wayyyy too grumpy in the mornings. X

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