A letter to me…

Well this is going to be hard, I have a constant battle going on in my head so to talk to my present self is actually rather scary, I never know which me is going to come to the forefront! I am very much teetering on an edge too 😬 however I’ll try and give myself a talking to.

So you are stuck in on day 10 of self isolation, you are used to isolating so it’s not having a huge effect just yet, certainly starting to feel it though, I’m hoping once you are allowed out your social anxiety won’t of hit peak panic pants mode and you can carry on in the manner you have been for the past month or two. I wish you would also stop worrying about this when you are trying to sleep.

You are currently on hold for the 4th time today trying to sort out your meds. Not allowed more than a weeks worth so having to go through this every week is really starting to stress you out! I wouldn’t mind but you haven’t overdosed in like months so god knows why the meds are so limited. The hold music is triggering as hell! It reminds you of all the times you tried to call the crisis team or the drs… to no avail.

It’s that triggering you are starting to wonder if the meds are even worth it. They make you fat, tired and spotty and have even managed to compromise your immune system… and now trying to sort them out is starting to set you off… is it worth it?

Have you managed to pull yourself through with just a change of environment and strength of mind? Is it those things plus the anti psychotic? The biggest thing to consider is… is it worth the gamble? Are you seriously willing to gamble with your fragile mental health? I think that answer should be absolutely not.

The meds thing is an inconvenience but that’s all it is. An inconvenience which hopefully will be sorted..just got to hang in there and stay on hold for hours on end. 🤬 I wouldn’t mind, I know that obviously helplines and GPs surgeries aren’t inundated yet I can’t help feel that if people did their jobs correctly this wouldn’t happen!!!! I spoke to my GPS yesterday she couldn’t get me off the phone quick enough! I asked her if she could make sure my meds were sent to the correct place she was just like yeah that’s done bye. (We went through this last week also) Well no love you didn’t do it at all. Hence me once again being on hold to a service that doesn’t need to be blocked up by these sorts of calls!!!

Anyway… just carry on doing what you are doing… you know you can and stop letting little things seep in and worry you. I mean there’s worse places you could be isolated.. yeah downstairs neighbours are absolute dickheads but you can’t beat the view. Just try and chill…

Tomorrow’s letter should be fun… a letter to life 😂 boy do I have some bones to pick.