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Fresh hell.

It is currently 2.50 am and I have just fought my way out of my fourth NEW nightmare of the night!! I was warned things could get worse during the process of EMDR and last nights session was brutal but I felt I made huge progress… Fast forward to bedtime, I was exhausted after my …

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Calm in the chaos

I recently started having EMDR, I had a previous awful experience so I was very anxious and skeptical but I had to give it one last shot because i knew that if it was done properly it could be extremely beneficial. I have become so tired of violent nightmares every single night, not managing to …

Crazy cat lady!

I caught myself this morning in the middle of a proper laughing fit, I couldn’t stop laughing and everytime I almost calmed down, all I had to do was look at my cat and I went off into fits of giggles again…the reason for that laughter? A made up scenario in my head which I …

Positive things. (sort of) TW (updated)

Not done one of these for ages. The truth is I am struggling so bad recently.. it’s difficult to find any positives! I suppose that despite the overwhelming urge to harm myself I haven’t done it. I surrendered all of the medications and the blades I could reach. I suppose that’s positive. I drew a …

Biting the bullet.

The past few days I have found myself toying with the idea of giving EMDR another go. My therapist mentioned it, to help me get the bottom of why I keep skipping time. Straight away I said no, however after a chat with my girlfriend about it… I am mulling it over. I had an …

Picking fights.

Awake at this ungodly hour unpacking my brain and sorting through the rubble. After some soul searching with my girlfriend and a conversation with my therapist I am trying in the kindest, gentlest way I can muster to give my self a stern talking to. The past few days have been turbulent to say the …

Lessons learnt.

Well that’s it! Finished my course and actually achieved something this time! I don’t think I’ve ever academically achieved anything in my life! Usually by this stage I’ve not got the grades or I’ve given up half way through, I was far too busy playing the class clown at school . Usually I have some …