Just a little reminder to myself… (TW self harm)

Despite being on the verge of another police investigation and despite the fact i feel my PTSD is getting bad again.. this little reminder popped up on my phone today and it absolutely stunned me! Almost 8 months since I intentionally hurt myself! This is huge!! Last time I was going through this sort of …

Stiff upper lip or self sabotage?

Growing up British and in a household with two seriously ill brothers I was taught the stiff upper lip, it’s not that bad approach from a very early age. I learnt to suppress emotions and feelings very well and I grew up believing that I was quite a robust tough woman, if I ever felt …

Depression is…

Having a heavy feeling inside your head, like a seriously muggy day devoid of fresh air or any sort of breeze. Being so desperately sad but unable to utter a single syllable or cry. Having that heavy muggy feeling spread through your body, into your forehead making it throb, into your ears making them ring …

Rusty key.

During my last two EMDR sessions the strangest things have started popping up! Like making up dance routines with my little brother when we were very young or me chewing all the feet of my barbies in a bid to reject the girlie girl persona my stepmother insistently tried to drive into me. I couldn’t …

A session full of firsts.

Last nights EMDR was full of firsts for me! The first time I wasn’t sick before/during the session. (I was afterwards but I suspect that was from eating too much). The first time I managed to verbalise stuff, usually I shake my head when he asks if I can tell him stuff, last night I …

I’m Henry the VIII I am!

I haven’t had much sleep at all since my last EMDR session, I either lay awake and let my head batter me all night or I have around 4 hours of broken sleep, sleep that is flooded by memories and nightmares. I have also started sleepwalking and eating.. I haven’t sleptwalked since I was a …

Crazy cat lady!

I caught myself this morning in the middle of a proper laughing fit, I couldn’t stop laughing and everytime I almost calmed down, all I had to do was look at my cat and I went off into fits of giggles again…the reason for that laughter? A made up scenario in my head which I …

Positive things. (sort of) TW (updated)

Not done one of these for ages. The truth is I am struggling so bad recently.. it’s difficult to find any positives! I suppose that despite the overwhelming urge to harm myself I haven’t done it. I surrendered all of the medications and the blades I could reach. I suppose that’s positive. I drew a …

Biting the bullet.

The past few days I have found myself toying with the idea of giving EMDR another go. My therapist mentioned it, to help me get the bottom of why I keep skipping time. Straight away I said no, however after a chat with my girlfriend about it… I am mulling it over. I had an …

Create your website with WordPress.com
Get started