Lessons learnt.

Well that’s it! Finished my course and actually achieved something this time! I don’t think I’ve ever academically achieved anything in my life! Usually by this stage I’ve not got the grades or I’ve given up half way through, I was far too busy playing the class clown at school . Usually I have some excuse but this time I’ve done it in spite of everything else!! Gosh I can feel an Oscar worthy speech creeping up 😂

I have to wait now to see if my final few bits of work have passed with the grades I need for uni but I’m so bloody proud of myself for making it this far, I know that I’ve passed the course with at least grades for my back up university. The last week was hectic I had to speed write 3 outstanding essays but I did it 💪

Along with all the new fascinating facts I’ve learnt on my course in the past year I have also learnt other valuable lessons too.

1. I am not as stupid as I thought I was and even more importantly I’m not a quitter! Like I say I’ve never achieved anything academically but I think that’s because I get bored so easily and it only really takes one person to say I’m stupid and I just aren’t interested anymore. In school I did a piece of coursework that should of got an A, but the teacher failed me for cheating! I didn’t cheat I was just really interested in that part of my work. He never believed me though and the fail stood so… in retaliation I never bothered again.

2. Not all people are horrible. I seem to make friends easily but I never really get close to many people, even more so since one of my best friends tried to ruin my life. But this year I’ve made two good friends at college who stood by me even when they realised how much I suffer with my mental health I will forever be grateful for them. Just little messages when I was in the hospital or laid in bed with crippling anxiety. Sometimes they made me actually want to get out of bed and go to college just to have a laugh with them ❤️ just for a little normality away from all the chaos I had going on.

My tutor also has been a godsend.. I remember telling her I was stupid when I started the course and she told me I wouldn’t be on the course if I was, she continued encouraging me all the way through! Even gave me the chance to finish the course early with predicted grades due to extenuating circumstances, she supported me no end when I said no because I owed to myself to at least try.

Also my girlfriend is slowly teaching me what it feels like to be loved however I come, I am managing to slowly recover and I think part of that is down to how gentle she is with me and in return I’m starting to be gentle with myself

3… I’m so glad I’m still here! That feeling of achievement after almost two years of constant hell is indescribable!

I didn’t get justice for what he did but me passing this course with grades higher than I ever thought I was capable of is a huge victory in itself and is a little sense of personal justice. I owed it to myself not to give up and I bloody smashed it. ❤️

Published by DelilahSpuddy

Well when I first started this blog, I was just using it as an anonymous way to vent. I suffered a horrific year in 2018 starting with witnessing abuse in my work place and ending in an awful assault on me by a so called friend. Now as I start to recover I’m hoping to reach those who unfortunately may find themselves in my situation with nobody to turn to. I managed my PTSD symptoms a good 8 months before I was told I wasn’t going mad and actually there was a name for it. In those 8 months I came up with all sorts of weird and wonderful ways to ground and help myself. Some of the writing in my blog isn’t nice and contains some triggers so please be aware. It’s just what I need to do at the moment. But if you want to... feel free to have a look ❤️ welcome to the madhouse 😂

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