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The Circus (written March 2019)

So this is my first blog post ever.. a member on a Depression Forum suggested it to me, I used to keep diaries as a child and nothing else seems to work so I'll give this a try. So here we go, an insight into the circus that is my mind right now, at this …

Can you work in care if you actually care?

Here in the U.K., care jobs are aplenty, homecare, residential care, specialist care etc etc.. it’s not hard to get a care job and a lot of people unfortunately get one because it’s easy to get in. the money isn’t great and the hours are long so if you aren’t the sort of person who …

Positives of the past month!

Today I managed to finish a book!! This is a big big deal! I have always adored reading, I love feeling like a teeny tiny speck in the midst of huge towering words and great big soft pages all floating around me, swallowing me up and making me literally live the book.. I like feeling …

Depression is…

Having a heavy feeling inside your head, like a seriously muggy day devoid of fresh air or any sort of breeze. Being so desperately sad but unable to utter a single syllable or cry. Having that heavy muggy feeling spread through your body, into your forehead making it throb, into your ears making them ring …

Rusty key.

During my last two EMDR sessions the strangest things have started popping up! Like making up dance routines with my little brother when we were very young or me chewing all the feet of my barbies in a bid to reject the girlie girl persona my stepmother insistently tried to drive into me. I couldn’t …

A session full of firsts.

Last nights EMDR was full of firsts for me! The first time I wasn’t sick before/during the session. (I was afterwards but I suspect that was from eating too much). The first time I managed to verbalise stuff, usually I shake my head when he asks if I can tell him stuff, last night I …

I’m Henry the VIII I am!

I haven’t had much sleep at all since my last EMDR session, I either lay awake and let my head batter me all night or I have around 4 hours of broken sleep, sleep that is flooded by memories and nightmares. I have also started sleepwalking and eating.. I haven’t sleptwalked since I was a …

Fresh hell.

It is currently 2.50 am and I have just fought my way out of my fourth NEW nightmare of the night!! I was warned things could get worse during the process of EMDR and last nights session was brutal but I felt I made huge progress... Fast forward to bedtime, I was exhausted after my …

Calm in the chaos

I recently started having EMDR, I had a previous awful experience so I was very anxious and skeptical but I had to give it one last shot because i knew that if it was done properly it could be extremely beneficial. I have become so tired of violent nightmares every single night, not managing to …

Crazy cat lady!

I caught myself this morning in the middle of a proper laughing fit, I couldn’t stop laughing and everytime I almost calmed down, all I had to do was look at my cat and I went off into fits of giggles again...the reason for that laughter? A made up scenario in my head which I …

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