Stiff upper lip or self sabotage?

Growing up British and in a household with two seriously ill brothers I was taught the stiff upper lip, it’s not that bad approach from a very early age. I learnt to suppress emotions and feelings very well and I grew up believing that I was quite a robust tough woman, if I ever felt …

Positives of the past month!

Today I managed to finish a book!! This is a big big deal! I have always adored reading, I love feeling like a teeny tiny speck in the midst of huge towering words and great big soft pages all floating around me, swallowing me up and making me literally live the book.. I like feeling …

Fresh hell.

It is currently 2.50 am and I have just fought my way out of my fourth NEW nightmare of the night!! I was warned things could get worse during the process of EMDR and last nights session was brutal but I felt I made huge progress… Fast forward to bedtime, I was exhausted after my …

Calm in the chaos

I recently started having EMDR, I had a previous awful experience so I was very anxious and skeptical but I had to give it one last shot because i knew that if it was done properly it could be extremely beneficial. I have become so tired of violent nightmares every single night, not managing to …

Picking fights.

Awake at this ungodly hour unpacking my brain and sorting through the rubble. After some soul searching with my girlfriend and a conversation with my therapist I am trying in the kindest, gentlest way I can muster to give my self a stern talking to. The past few days have been turbulent to say the …

Victories of the past week!

Decided to start keeping a positivity diary! I feel I focus too much on the negative, plus now I’m on my own again in terms of help.. I need to start pulling myself through so… This week I fought off my anxiety, attended my university interview and got offered a place the very same day. …

Invisible illness.

Seriously frustrated today. Because I function so well and for the most part I cope with my symptoms on my own, people seem to think I’m not ill. I had a mental health nurse this afternoon say to me “you are coping with a nursing course, and you haven’t hurt yourself for a few weeks …

Simple concept.

Yesterday my therapist said the simplest of sentences to me and for the first time I actually heard her! It completely stunned me. Such a simple concept and I’m not sure why I heard her so clearly yesterday? Usually I just sit there and I either just say ok or I argue with her. Yesterday …

The Circus (written March 2019)

So this is my first blog post ever.. a member on a Depression Forum suggested it to me, I used to keep diaries as a child and nothing else seems to work so I’ll give this a try. So here we go, an insight into the circus that is my mind right now, at this …

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