Just a little reminder to myself… (TW self harm)

Despite being on the verge of another police investigation and despite the fact i feel my PTSD is getting bad again.. this little reminder popped up on my phone today and it absolutely stunned me! Almost 8 months since I intentionally hurt myself! This is huge!! Last time I was going through this sort of …

Stiff upper lip or self sabotage?

Growing up British and in a household with two seriously ill brothers I was taught the stiff upper lip, it’s not that bad approach from a very early age. I learnt to suppress emotions and feelings very well and I grew up believing that I was quite a robust tough woman, if I ever felt …

A session full of firsts.

Last nights EMDR was full of firsts for me! The first time I wasn’t sick before/during the session. (I was afterwards but I suspect that was from eating too much). The first time I managed to verbalise stuff, usually I shake my head when he asks if I can tell him stuff, last night I …

Fresh hell.

It is currently 2.50 am and I have just fought my way out of my fourth NEW nightmare of the night!! I was warned things could get worse during the process of EMDR and last nights session was brutal but I felt I made huge progress… Fast forward to bedtime, I was exhausted after my …

Calm in the chaos

I recently started having EMDR, I had a previous awful experience so I was very anxious and skeptical but I had to give it one last shot because i knew that if it was done properly it could be extremely beneficial. I have become so tired of violent nightmares every single night, not managing to …

Crazy cat lady!

I caught myself this morning in the middle of a proper laughing fit, I couldn’t stop laughing and everytime I almost calmed down, all I had to do was look at my cat and I went off into fits of giggles again…the reason for that laughter? A made up scenario in my head which I …

Positive things. (sort of) TW (updated)

Not done one of these for ages. The truth is I am struggling so bad recently.. it’s difficult to find any positives! I suppose that despite the overwhelming urge to harm myself I haven’t done it. I surrendered all of the medications and the blades I could reach. I suppose that’s positive. I drew a …

Biting the bullet.

The past few days I have found myself toying with the idea of giving EMDR another go. My therapist mentioned it, to help me get the bottom of why I keep skipping time. Straight away I said no, however after a chat with my girlfriend about it… I am mulling it over. I had an …

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