Depression is…

Having a heavy feeling inside your head, like a seriously muggy day devoid of fresh air or any sort of breeze. Being so desperately sad but unable to utter a single syllable or cry. Having that heavy muggy feeling spread through your body, into your forehead making it throb, into your ears making them ring …

Invisible illness.

Seriously frustrated today. Because I function so well and for the most part I cope with my symptoms on my own, people seem to think I’m not ill. I had a mental health nurse this afternoon say to me “you are coping with a nursing course, and you haven’t hurt yourself for a few weeks …

Adrift but not drowning.

So I find myself in a familiar place. A lonely place, but it’s not as scary here as it was last time, last time I may as well of been on a sinking inflatable raft in the Humber estuary, I couldn’t see anywhere but down. I had absolutely no support to hold on to, I …

Simple concept.

Yesterday my therapist said the simplest of sentences to me and for the first time I actually heard her! It completely stunned me. Such a simple concept and I’m not sure why I heard her so clearly yesterday? Usually I just sit there and I either just say ok or I argue with her. Yesterday …

Sulky Hippocampus

Yesterday was such a good day! I didn’t have one single flashback, I can’t remember the last time that happened. I had few auras but none of them actually took over.. 🥰 I cannot describe how amazing that felt! Also yesterday I started off the day 5 assignments behind at college, I put my head …

Personal Justice.

Last night I went through my phone and deleted all of the phone numbers/text messages connected to my case. I had a little cry, mainly out of frustration and a little because I had to let to go of my ISVA who became my rock these past 13 months. Mainly though because I was so …

New beginnings and finally some new dreams!!

This morning I had the strangest dreams, dreams about arguing with someone over chips, dreams about my friends, of course they weren’t doing anything normal in my dreams but they never do in real life 🤣 but it was so nice to have normal dreams well my kind of normal… maybe doing supermarket sweep whilst …

Manic or just me?

So yesterday I reluctantly started a course of anti psychotics a very low dose.. I was told it would calm my anxiety and flashbacks.. this morning I had my second pill.. at first it made me very sleepy and dizzy but as those feelings started to wear off I became aware that I felt alright.. …

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