It is currently 2.50 am and I have just fought my way out of my fourth NEW nightmare of the night!! I was warned things could get worse during the process of EMDR and last nights session was brutal but I felt I made huge progress... Fast forward to bedtime, I was exhausted after my …
Calm in the chaos
I recently started having EMDR, I had a previous awful experience so I was very anxious and skeptical but I had to give it one last shot because i knew that if it was done properly it could be extremely beneficial. I have become so tired of violent nightmares every single night, not managing to …
Crazy cat lady!
I caught myself this morning in the middle of a proper laughing fit, I couldn’t stop laughing and everytime I almost calmed down, all I had to do was look at my cat and I went off into fits of giggles again...the reason for that laughter? A made up scenario in my head which I …
Perspective.
The past few weeks I have felt like I have gone totally backwards in my recovery, nightmares are back full throttle, I am bathing in clothes, holding my wee in to avoid a flashback resulting in nasty water infections which don’t help the situation at all, not trusting myself around sharps or meds.. I was …
Positive things. (sort of) TW (updated)
Not done one of these for ages. The truth is I am struggling so bad recently.. it’s difficult to find any positives! I suppose that despite the overwhelming urge to harm myself I haven’t done it. I surrendered all of the medications and the blades I could reach. I suppose that’s positive. I drew a …
Biting the bullet.
The past few days I have found myself toying with the idea of giving EMDR another go. My therapist mentioned it, to help me get the bottom of why I keep skipping time. Straight away I said no, however after a chat with my girlfriend about it... I am mulling it over. I had an …
Sitting with pain.
This week I decided to try my absolute hardest to sit with some of the most painful parts of my trauma. I think it has to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I have become extremely adept at pushing it away the past year or so, but distracting myself isn’t …
There I am!
This morning I freaked out over a spider.. like proper freaked, I screamed like a girl, threw something at it and ran away as fast as I could. This is the first time since my trauma! The first time I have had a normal fear response to something unrelated! I stopped being afraid of anything …
Picking fights.
Awake at this ungodly hour unpacking my brain and sorting through the rubble. After some soul searching with my girlfriend and a conversation with my therapist I am trying in the kindest, gentlest way I can muster to give my self a stern talking to. The past few days have been turbulent to say the …
Lessons learnt.
Well that’s it! Finished my course and actually achieved something this time! I don’t think I’ve ever academically achieved anything in my life! Usually by this stage I’ve not got the grades or I’ve given up half way through, I was far too busy playing the class clown at school . Usually I have some …
Delilah Blossom 